Dude Sounds Like a Lady

Well, it's confirmed - I officially sound like a woman. On the telephone anyway.

After what must surely be the 500th complete stranger I've spoken to on the phone who has continually referred to me as 'Mrs.' throughout the duration of the call, I feel I must reluctantly admit that my manly tones are perhaps not best served by Mr. Bell's wonderful invention. After all, there's only so many times I can put it down to a bad connection, or the fact that the person at the other end of the line is a feckless dullard.

This is not a problem I've ever had to broach in a face-to-face situation however, presumably because being confronted by my overtly masculine frame would nullify any doubts anybody may have about my true gender. Either that, or they're so bemused by the spectacle of a lady's voice coming from the shambling wreck of a man stood before them, that they dare not raise the issue, lest I bring some unholy curse upon them.

Whenever I've tried to explain this away to myself, I sometimes wondered if perhaps some people just had a funny way of saying 'Mr.' or something, which, in combination with a useless telephone, might just sound like they were saying 'Mrs.' Which works fine as a bit of ad hoc self-esteem boosting, but rather falls apart on the occasions I've had to give my (real) name over the phone, and they automatically assume it's the feminine equivalent. Particularly troubling when I'd already been speaking to them for some time before that point.

I wouldn't care, but if people aren't used to speaking to someone who hasn't wrecked their voice smoking 8 billion fags a day, or drowned their vocal chords in moonshine since the day they could open their mouth it isn't my fault.

I probably shouldn't be so bothered about it though. Even though I wouldn't exactly think of myself as an eyeliner-wearing metrosexual with my hair crafted into some kind of fin, I'm not really sure how this occasional annoyance impacts my life in any real way.

Apart from the fact that the person I was speaking to is the man who's coming to service our boiler, which means I now have to keep well out of sight for the rest of the afternoon, in order to avoid any number of awkward situations with no good outcome.