St. Wanker's Day

I cannot convey to you quite how much I hate April Fools' Day.

It would seem to be one tradition the Western world could easily leave behind without fear of an outcry, but for some reason it persists, like some recurring cold sore on the face of Spring. Indeed, given the almost certain appearance of 'hilarious lies' in every newspaper on this particular day, you'd think it was actually mandatory.

April fools seem to fall into two broad categories:

1. The first kind are so stupid and obvious, you wonder why anyone bothered, like the left-handed Mars Bars, or the one the Daily Mail seems to do every year which involves a member of the Royal Family doing something unexpected: Look the Queen's coming out of a bookies! Ha ha ha! But that would never happen!
2. The second kind are the big problem here. They have just enough truth to them to make you say, "Oh really?" when you're presented with them, which is all the excuse the prankster in question needs in order to claim, "Ha! I got you man! I really fooled you up!!!" like they now own your soul or something.

I think the problem I have with April fools is the problem I have with the wider world of practical jokes; they're only really funny if they're happening to somebody else.

Think about what's happening with a practical joke; you're laughing at someone else's humiliation - that's not very nice really, is it? I suppose if you have the kind of relationship with a group of friends where pranks are reciprocated regularly - like those WKD adverts - then it's fair enough, but personally I'd tend to give people like that a wide berth anyway.

There seems to be a bit of trend at the moment for TV based around the humiliation of others, at the vanguard of which is arguably Channel 4's Balls of Steel. It takes the Trigger Happy TV format and cranks up the unpleasantness to an unbearable degree. I cannot actually even bring myself to watch the programme, mainly because it feels like there's a deeply cynical, world-hating, nihilistic attitude right at its core. Maybe I'm just too sensitive, but I actually find it genuinely depressing.

Not that hidden camera stuff is new. Anyone who used to watch bearded prankster Jeremy Beadle's output during the eighties will be familiar with the sight of someone sitting slightly uncomfortably on a sofa with a rather stretched smile being forced to relive the worst day of their lives, when they were led to believe their beloved antique teacup collection had been condemned by the council, or something.

I think people who regularly try and wind people up genuinely have some issues, and very often if they have the tables turned on them, they tend to react rather badly. Apparently Beadle himself was caught out by a TV show a few years ago, but he refused to let them show it. Noel Edmonds too, the terror of C-list celebs everywhere with his 'Gotcha' oscars, publicly whinged after Chris Morris got him to decry the new designer drug 'cake'.

I probably wouldn't have such a problem with the whole thing if they actually targeted people who genuinely deserved it, instead of random passers-by or the most vulnerable colleague in the office or whatever. If someone spread dog mess on George W. Bush's chair, or locked Richard Littlejohn in his car with a load of wasps I'd laugh as hard as anyone.